u noe im still deciding if i should send out tt sms... i cant decide... i'm scared that it may ruin our frenship... and yet... i really can't stand it anymore... perhapes i'll do it after t'cher's day so that it won't ruin the outing... u noe when i came back from school i was like totally cheery and all... but when i saw that msg... that sadness came in again.. .even now... i'm very close to crying and yet i know that doesn't solve problems... does he/she know he/she's hurting me? his/her words are like knives piercing my skin... i thought that i was immune to this after so long, but i'm not... i'm sorry... and for hating you i hate myself... sound familiar? yar... that line was adapted from Kelly Clarkson's Behind These Hazel Eyes... hahax... and ya... now i dun cry on the outside... although i really feel like it... it has been a terrible time for me recently... and asking for my hist. grade isn't helping... thks alot... i would love it when Jesus comes to take us all back... then i won't have to suffer anymore... i don't understand at times why am i the one going through all this... the ones who know me well will understand what i mean... Sometimes i just wish that jesus will come and take me away... but then i remember all the things and ones i love and know that i actaully have alot to thank for... just not enough for my liking... I talk about my father nonchalently but u dunno how it hurts inside... when others talk about how their dad treats them i feel so jealous and despondent cos i dun have a dad to treat me that way... yes... i have hated him at times... but i still love him... u talk about how hard a day is and how u hate ur life but u dunno how much i would like to have ur kind of life... u tok abt how miserable u r abt ur life... and yet u dont noe how many times i cried myself to sleep... u noe... i have somehow learnt not to expect so much from someone even when he/she is close to you... cos there are times when he/she wun be around... the only one i can trust at all times to be around to wipe away my tears and comfort me is the lord... at times llike this he is the only one around... i have somehow lost faith in man... perhapes its better this way... after this experience it won't be so easy to get hurt anymore... and wendy... this has nothing to do with you... it is not and never will be your fault... ok? and no i won't commit suicide cos i have better things to do...