today started out fairly well until just recently only... guess wad... 1st i had to swallow my pride to ask for assistance frm a guy... 2nd, i got called up by tt stupid clock AGAIN and 3rd im gettin ignored cos i ended up bathing late cos of helping ppl... argh... stupid life....

dam dam dam.... ms choong is such a f-ing bitch... walao la.... she f-ing called again la.. wa lao ey... lucky this time my mom not at hm go overseas... too angry to tink rationally now... will type later...

came bak frm vch! ^^ was fun... we heard the syf pieces of another sch tt ms loh takes... wa lao... i now noe the reason y her face so black sometimes... if dey can get silver, we can get gold wif honours lor... i mean seriously... all of their pieces got accompaniment one... the pianist like old hag somemore... playing in her own small world... nvr look at conducting one lor... tank god for mr huang... he not around we all die die liao... hai... ms loh scold them alot then nvr scold us lor... their faces were like... how come oni we kana scolded! lolx... anyway... i found out tt im wif ying ru, zi suan, aaron and kathleen for sanctus and yingru, sandra and jia hui for dravidian... actually i noe long ago liao but i lazy write... hehex... anyway gonna jia you for syf, for hawaii for cca pts! ^^ GAMBATTE!!

juz came back from choir... today was testing day... hai... oh ya... syf is on the 24 april... exactly 1 month away! ^^ hai... i got tested 3 times... lol... 1st time beat steady but tense... 2nd time relaxed but beat a little off third time is the same as the 1st... diao... sian... muz go chiong my hw liao... hai....

juz remembered... turns out wy and i have a *gift* for poetry/ rhymes... lol.... we created a few... there are so many things i wanna say yet i cant cos of well.... the walls have ears and all that... lol... i realized that everytime i tok bad abt some cher, that cher will some how some why find out and say in super obvious ways tt he/she noes abt the complaining... wad the wad man... lol...

yay!!!! MUMMY BOUGHT INUYASHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *gives fangirl shriek* soooooooooooo happy!! ^^ anyway tmr gonna get tested see if can go syf.... haix... i wif charles and cheng qin for everyone sang.... sandra, choon hon, ying ru and ??? for sanctus and dunno whu for dravidian... lol... haix... v scared lor... scared tt tmr cannot make it then cannot go syf... haix.... practising wif zoe over the phone now ^^ lets all work hard and go syf together!!

great great.... people are so contradictory... 1st they wan me to do hw, so i do, justs so happens i nid the com and wad happs? i get accused of not working and just chatting. so irritating lor... u dun noe wad im doing and u still say me. dun even listen to my explanation. wth la... then u just prance around my room like dunno wad like that... infuriating lor... i nid to do the ****** pw so nid to use com... not my fault that nid to type out data rite?! condemned without reason... so dam unreasonable... wads this man?! so many scolding in such a short period...

1. got scolded cos i wanted to bathe at 8... i ALWAYS do that wth la
2. got scolded cos of ms choong
3. got scolded cos i didnt slp at 10 * its the hols... seriously.... wad kind of hols is this if i cant even play?!*
4. got scolded cos of the com thing...

guess wad... all this happened before 24h are up... isint there some rule tt says not more than 2 scoldings a day? no? well i'll make one.

another thing... i am not a guru or a ask aunt agony person ok! if u got a prob go fix it urself.... yes im ur fren but i gotta life as well i really dun nid ur probs on top of my own... also... every small little thing doesnt nid to be reported to me... i am not ur keeper or something! urg... over-reacting is dam annoying k... every little thing doesnt mean that its gonna be super bad... honestly u got more than enuf probs for everyone... get sick so often and so long... im startin to get suspicious... annoying man...

hai... gtg bathe ler sian...

passed up my gong han lol... did it during choir and lunch and while waiting for zoe's weather studies thing to fin... lol... its quite ok i guess... now all i gotta do is remeber what the topic was for my 2nd compo... haix... now feeling v sian... mom scolded me last nite... if i dun watch it the com might go... hai... dun have the energy to think abt tt now... lol...

alright now for the happy stuff! ^^ after choir zoe came impromtu to my place for lunch! ^^ it was fun! we made blueberry muffins!! yummy!! then we played on the com and all... its already been decided wad movies we're gonna watch when she comes over for the slpove cum movie marathon ^^ yay!!

#%^#^%#(%%%^#$#&*( that would not be enough to express exactly the amount of irritance and rage and annoyance etc etc i am currently feeling. it is already taking everything i've got to keep myself from letting out a very colourful string of words better known as vulgaritites rite now... ms choong is an irritance... no she's more than that. she is practically ruining my life. see i can't even type wifout proper punctuation now cos i feel so pissed. does she not have better things to do than CALL UP MY MOTHER TO INFORM HER OF MY MISSING HW? then she had the cheek to talk to me. she claimed to have called many times. that is BIG FAT LIE. i would know. my phone has the ability to number the amount of miss calls i have. apparantly i noe have to come up with 2 chi compos by tomorrow morning. courtesy of my mother. apparantly she made a promise to ms choong in my place in exchange for me to go to the sec 3 camp. going to the sec 3 camp is not a privilege, it is my right. i have paid the cash and all. ms choong is attempting to mother me. it is not working. if my own mother can't do it, she will never be able to. and guess what i don't even the privacy of my room anymore. and now my mother knows about my blog. excellent turn of events yes? now i must even be careful online. blogging may no longer be safe. i can only now pray that my mother will not probe anymore. i feel like cursing and swearing at something, anything and yet i dun have the energy and i doubt it will help my current condition. a certain someone is trying to push me over the edge although she may be doing it unconciously. it's working but i'll stay strong. i dun even know why i'm still smiling while typing this, i'm smiling and i can't stop. its ridiculous. there's something wrong with my prespection of this matter, if i was normal, i would be in rages and yet all i'm doing is sitting here with a stupid smile on my face and typing for god knows what reason. the smile is super faint but its there. that proves that i'm insane. i want to make my mother proud and yet she's never satisfied. i'm tired. there's only so much i can do. i'm just terrible at certain subjects, why can't you accept that? i can't excel at everything, i'm human not a robot or something along those lines. why can't you understand? how much of my life are you involved with anyway? i'm not at oblivious as most people think. i know it seems that way but i seriously can't be bothered to elaborate on other's words. if i wish to speak i will. this is what is called ranting is it not? enough with the dark. on with the lighter stuff... next post cos i dun wish to dump everything onto one post. makes it difficult to read..

this shouldn't be called a blog... it should be called a... a... stress relief thing... lol... argh c sux ok... its so dam irritating... i wanna go for the genetic course thing and all b'cos of the stupid c i cant go... my social life is totally suffering cos of c****... i cant go for dare on sat cos im too wiped out by the time c**** finishes.... god dam it... so darn pissed lor... i want my life back.. i wanna have my fridays FREE! there's so many things i wanna do but cant cos of c... sure it has brought many great frenships but it doesnt feel gd goin... sometimes it does mostly it doesnt when i'm feelin blue wich is quite alot... dam... now i havin mood swings... argh... i hate it as much as i love it wich is quite alot... haiz... i sound like a moody depressed women.... lol... hahax juz now in sch was ranting on and on abt a whole lot of stuff but just cant seem to be able to spill it all out now... wad the heck man... lol...

Found this is a book... it seems helpful but wad the heck just blogging for the sake of it... lol....

Rules for Living

1. Never panic. Stop, think, breathe.
2. No one is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves just like you.
3. Never change haircut or colour before an important event.
4. Nothing is either as good or bad as it seems
5. Do as you would be done by eg. thou shall not kill
6. It is better to buy 1 expensive thing that you really like than several cheap ones that you only quite like
7. Hardly anything matters: if you get upset, ask yourself, 'Does it really matter?'
8. The key to success lies in how you pick yourself up from failure
9. Be honest and kind
10. Only buy clothes that make you feel like doing a small dance
11. Trust your instincts, not your overactive imagination
12. When overwhelmed by disaster check if it's really a disaster by doing the following : (a) think: "oh, f*** it," (b) look on the bright side and if that doesn't work, look on the funny side. If neither of the above works, then maybe it IS a disaster so turn to rules 1 and 5
13. Don't expect the world to be safe or life to be fair
14. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.
15. Don't regret anything. Remember there wasn't anything else that could have happened, given who you were and the state of the world at the moment. The only thing you CAN change is the present so learn from the past.
16. If you start regretting and thinking, 'i should have done....' always add, 'but then i might have been run over by a lorry or blown up by a torpedo.
17. You are who you are and not someone else.

The 1st 16 was taken from a book called olivia joules and the overactive imagination by helen fielding... its a great bk and the "life philosophys" make sense... the last one no 17 was added by myself ^^

This is like super angsty... lol... feel better after release... may post some of the stuff i've written... like songs and poems... havent decided if this is a song or poem... lol...

y do i cry, y do i tear
y do i even bother abt u
y do i scream, y do i fear
y do i even listen to u
dyin inside, hurting in silence
broken hearts, damned memories
do u even noe abt, the tears shed b'cos of u
do u even care for my say
release me frm this terror
release me frm this pain
wad do u gain seeing me broken up
wad's ur prob, wad is mine
i cant stand u near
let go, give up
cos i'll nvr return
y cant u just, let me go
im not ur play toy, im me not u
y have i borne wif u till now
is this some kind of retribution
juz wad went wrng between me n u
let me go, let me free
i need to fly, not crawl
the pain just comes, everytime i think of u
just leave me alone
pretend tt i dun exist anymore
y do u still hold on
let me leave this prison
let me go, frm the pain
frm ur hold, let me be free...

now feeling down... dam hormones... lol... wrote a pretty depressing song after my pop called... it still hurts... after so long it still freakin hurts... why?! dam it... i wont cry anymore... i swore that i wont cry cos of him ever again... i wun give anyone the satisfaction of noeing that i cry... whats wrong wif me?! have i gone cold? the things that used to affect me no longer do... what the freakin *** is wrong?! argh.... its so dam frustrating... anyway... gonna post the little something i wrote... next post up...

finally typing an entry... yes i realize that it had been like 4eva since i last posted lol.... hai so sian.... waseh... just now in the middle of chi and chem got eathquake sia... at 1st i tot i was just giddy but obviously it wasn't just me... it was quite fun actually excluding the possibility of the building in danger of collaspsing or something lol... so sian... and so tired... hai... i just wanna let go but obviously thats impossible at the moment... cant wait for the hols... but thanks to choir still gotta go back.... hai.... lol..